Scalpel's Edge

A surgeon's notes

Emergency surgery atThe Northern taught me…

  1. Never just casually walk down a street in Epping/Broadmeadows.  It is a clear invitation for random individuals to stab, punch or kick you.  There is a frank epidemic of people minding their own businesses who get seriously injured by random people.
  2. “You know when someone is holding a prison knife, how they sort of hide it so you can’t see it? That’s why I can’t decribe the knife.”  Nope.  I did not know that.
  3. Never ask how it happened. Especially if a uniformed police officer is sitting outside the cubicle.  That question should be delegated to junior staff.
  4. There are medical interpreters, and then there are medical interpreters.  Patients have the same medical IQ in all languages.  If there is no back and forth after complicated explanations, something is hinky.
  5. The rat’s tail hair cut is not extinct
  6. The mullet is also not extinct
  7. Check cervical swabs first for any female presenting with abdominal pain.
  8. In order to genuinely believe in something, it must be written on your body in tattoo ink.  Otherwise you’re just kidding yourself.

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