Scalpel's Edge

A surgeon's notes

Arson advice

If you are caught in your burning place of business, it can sometimes look suspicious, especially if you make a insurance claim soon after the event. So I have compiled some advice from my experience on how to look more innocent, and less “alleged arsonist”.

  1. When the firefighters see you in the burning building, don’t try to hide

  2. Don’t store three empty petrol cans in your car boot

  3. Remember that burns on your arms suggest you were trying to put out the fire. Burns on your face suggest you were looking at it very closely.
  4. Use the ambulance ride to go over the points of what happened – you don’t want to give ambiguous, conflicting stories to every doctor you see
  5. Don’t try to convince people that your story is confused because english is your second language, unless you can consistently maintain poor language skills
  6. Wear clothes that don’t smell like accelerant
  7. Don’t prohibit the treating doctor from giving a statement as when they eventually testify by court order, they are considered a hostile witness and won’t get expenses. This will not make them feel fondly toward you.
  8. When it comes to your day in court, recognize that hiring a very expensive lawyer will not make you look more innocent, although it may get you acquitted

I hope my experience and advice can help those innocent people who get caught in this awful situation.

3 responses to “Arson advice”

  1. dragonfly says:

    I shall remember that next time I set fire to my house 🙂

  2. Cris says:

    @dragonfly: Allegedly set fire to your house….

  3. […] early experience and others, set up my expectations of burns patients, and I have not been really disappointed to date. People […]

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